Trennan isn't sure how to handle this. Amara's been so focused on finding the lost princess, Riese, that it feels like she's letting other things slide. Herrick's been getting more and more violent recently, and Trennan has to wonder if the Head Magister hasn't gone entirely insane due to how many relics he carries. Trennan knows that his own relics cause him pain at times, and he only has a small fraction of what Herrick does. He's often thought that Herrick transfers this pain to others around him so that it doesn't seem as unbearable as it should, but keeps that musing to himself, knowing that it would just add another piece of evidence against him that he doesn't entirely believe in everything the Sect has to offer anymore.
Trennan keeps the fact that his faith has been flagging to himself as well, because he's seen what happens to those labeled as heretics by the Sect. It's not pretty, and he's had to attend far too many executions to want that fate for himself. It may be selfish and cowardly, but at the moment, Trennan can't see any other options available to him. He mouths the words of the rituals, paying the requisite lip service to Sonne, but in his heart of hearts, Trennan doesn't think that Sonne is listening. He's not sure if there's ever been a god listening to him, but the existence of gods and demons is the purview of scholars and priests, and Trennan is neither. He's simply the Empress' adviser, put into place by the Sect to monitor and guide Amara down the “true” Path of Sonne.
He knows that he's failed in that regard lately as he continues to struggle with his own lack of faith, and fears the day that will inevitably come when the Sect punishes him for it. They expect so much of him, and he is just one man, torn between doing what he knows is right and what others force upon the world to view as right. Trennan knows this state of grace can't last long, but for as long as it does, he'll do his job, guiding Amara and Eleysia towards a path of brightness, and maybe, just maybe, he'll come out of it alive.
Trennan takes a deep breath, releases it, and then approaches Amara on her balcony, gathering his courage to speak the words he knows she needs to hear.
It became a bit more of a character study of Trennan, but here you go.
Trennan keeps the fact that his faith has been flagging to himself as well, because he's seen what happens to those labeled as heretics by the Sect. It's not pretty, and he's had to attend far too many executions to want that fate for himself. It may be selfish and cowardly, but at the moment, Trennan can't see any other options available to him. He mouths the words of the rituals, paying the requisite lip service to Sonne, but in his heart of hearts, Trennan doesn't think that Sonne is listening. He's not sure if there's ever been a god listening to him, but the existence of gods and demons is the purview of scholars and priests, and Trennan is neither. He's simply the Empress' adviser, put into place by the Sect to monitor and guide Amara down the “true” Path of Sonne.
He knows that he's failed in that regard lately as he continues to struggle with his own lack of faith, and fears the day that will inevitably come when the Sect punishes him for it. They expect so much of him, and he is just one man, torn between doing what he knows is right and what others force upon the world to view as right. Trennan knows this state of grace can't last long, but for as long as it does, he'll do his job, guiding Amara and Eleysia towards a path of brightness, and maybe, just maybe, he'll come out of it alive.
Trennan takes a deep breath, releases it, and then approaches Amara on her balcony, gathering his courage to speak the words he knows she needs to hear.
“Empress, you summoned me?”